Disguised Weapons
Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07
Original ad: **** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
Comments:
Brad (2010-02-09 20:49:06) Im kind of afraid some asshole is posting ads looking for concealed weapons.
Bud (2010-02-09 20:37:34) no mames, that was sum funny shit, i pissed myself....keep up the great work!
Deuce (2010-02-09 20:36:40) This is your best one in a while!! Great Job
roro (2010-02-09 20:27:26) I laughed so hard that I peed in my pants
me (2010-02-09 20:21:05) jjjj
Mark Wahlberg (2010-02-09 20:07:55) I'm Mark Wahlberg and I approve
CCCC (2010-02-09 20:00:00) lmao "spoon blade"
Sarah (2010-02-09 19:56:07) One of my favorite posts yet.
Joe (2010-02-09 19:52:46) "Eat shit and die"? I didn't know Duke Nukem was in the market for concealed weapons.
carol c (2010-02-09 19:42:51) I want to buy the Benelli tissue shotgun but first please tell me what kind of tissue because my nose is very sensitive, and if it isn't the right kind, I can't. The tissue not the nose.
David (2010-02-09 19:01:56) Absolute win.
And nice firearms I must add! Only if I could get a real Glock 18....
Kore (2010-02-09 18:39:03) The tissue box rifle was my favorite.
chocolateharpist (2010-02-09 18:16:11) Is that advert even legal? Don't the FBI/CIA/NSA/CBS etc monitor that kind of stuff?
xtina (2010-02-09 18:13:11) wow. the gun cup is priceless!
Yes Please! (2010-02-09 17:54:30) He's baccccccccck!
drew (2010-02-09 17:48:39) holy shit! this is even better than the driver/body guard email!
awesomeo5000 (2010-02-09 17:34:52) "You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase"
....awesome
@Frank (2010-02-09 17:23:13) It's funny because your saying im not funny.
Pandas are arrousing (2010-02-09 16:59:19) Jesus christ, you kill me. BTW, maybe officer Stacy would be interested in the 20 gauge snot shot for the squad car, since she's such a whiny bitch and all. Just a thought.
anonymous (2010-02-09 16:56:58) OMG this is soo funny. I was laughing out loud and my boss came in to check why. Finally, he laughted toooo. Plz do some more!
redhook (2010-02-09 16:52:32) Absolutely fantastic! Thank you for continually making me laugh so hard I cannot catch my breath. This one is a classic.
Neo (2010-02-09 16:02:17) LOL. THIS IS SO SO SO SO FUNNY. NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH IN MY LIFE. KEEP THEM COMING :)
treefiddie (2010-02-09 16:01:56) WOW, You're on a roll dude...I'm broke as hell, But this one seriously has me wanting to donate.
@Moberly (2010-02-09 15:56:44) Give it up man, you're just not funny.
Claire (2010-02-09 15:56:05) Thank you for keeping potential terrorists like that guy from obtaining concealed weapons. Appreciate it.
@Frank (2010-02-09 15:32:45) You think your being witty pointing out that I'm funny but you really think I'm not funny.
John L (2010-02-09 15:08:16) youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
...
jmw59 (2010-02-09 14:53:39) lmao
Frank (2010-02-09 14:38:49) @Moberly, Mo - you're funny because you point out why something is supposed to be funny. Family Guy called and it wants its tired, lame, and shitty jokes back.
Skoink (2010-02-09 14:29:57) Best one in a while. Well played sir.
soar (2010-02-09 13:54:03) Best one in a while. Lmao.
Good job.
1` (2010-02-09 13:45:50) 2
yep (2010-02-09 13:42:27) now THAT was funny.
poop (2010-02-09 13:29:24) bout time you make up for some of your recent stuff! pretty funny
nig (2010-02-09 13:26:01) awesome
Audra (2010-02-09 13:11:29) I think this is my favorite one ever! Still laughing!
zebra (2010-02-09 13:04:24) Love the setup- one of the better ones, in my humble opinion. :)
Reminds me of the shoeknife gag.
lol (2010-02-09 12:54:06) Motherfucker! That's one of the best ones so far.
dusty (2010-02-09 12:42:50) Complain to his boss, Mayor Bloomberg. Just because he is running an undercover sting across state lines, doesn't mean he should get away with inappropriate language.
meow mix is funny (2010-02-09 12:38:00) Pee your pants funny.
Ironic a few people "fear" you and/or your guns, but not a word about some angry whack job trying to obtain "Disguisable weapons".
Skatchkins (2010-02-09 12:23:29) This was plain and simple pure awesome. Going to go home and make my own tonight. Good thing I have my concealed weapons permit.
wow (2010-02-09 12:22:48) i really did actually spit out my drink when i scrolled down to see the gun in the red cup. lmfao!!!!!!!
ZP (2010-02-09 12:16:33) Hahahahahaha! Incredible! Nice shot, papy!
person (2010-02-09 11:58:16) That was hilarious, but I am concerned about someone with Jeff's anger problems wanting to purchase "disguisable" weapons
Louie (2010-02-09 11:26:22) Holy Fuck!!! That shit was funny. Totally reedemed yourself from the last one. Good shit.
Scuba Steve (2010-02-09 11:15:20) FTW
anonymous (2010-02-09 11:13:04) its truly frightening when a guy with a crazy twisted mind like yourself has all these guns!!!...still funny!
Hahaha (2010-02-09 11:08:41) I'm sure my co workers think I'm insane. I was lol all alone in my office. I couldn't stop. HAHAHAHAHA!
Moberly, Mo (2010-02-09 11:08:00) It's funny because the weapons are not disguised very well so the gun dealer thinks he is wasting his time.
hugh g. cock (2010-02-09 11:05:31) Still thirsty for justice? Brilliant
Bored at work (2010-02-09 10:30:47) That is hysterical! I need a new box of tissue for my office. Is it still available?
meh (2010-02-09 10:30:35) not great
blahz (2010-02-09 10:28:22) Not your best.
So (2010-02-09 10:27:45) So why do you actually own all those weapons? Not that I'm against it...I'm impressed.
Frank (2010-02-09 10:27:00) Comedy GOLD!!! On another note, it's scary that this mental midget is really looking for weapons.
Yo Yo Ma (2010-02-09 10:24:27) HA HA HA. Normally I chuckle at these, find them amusing, and move on. This one actually made me laugh hard enough to make my office mates wonder what was so funny.
Johnny I (2010-02-09 10:21:57) That is fucking funny.
asd (2010-02-09 10:06:42) hahah i think you just got OWNED :P
Mark (2010-02-09 09:34:30) 10/10!!! LMAO!!!!
Virginian_Minion (2010-02-09 09:29:43) I almost made myself throw up I was laughing so hard. I think you have to have "black-gun" disease to truly understand the hilarity of this one. Nice work, beautiful little arsenal dude!
PinkUnicorn (2010-02-09 09:21:31) Lol, damn good one.
pizzle (2010-02-09 08:58:34) now this is more like it, fucking 10/10!!!
Nicl (2010-02-09 08:58:11) That Jeff is one angry fothermucker
Cduchene1988 (2010-02-09 08:55:29) Amazing
Joejew (2010-02-09 08:52:01) best one in a while, good job
whoa (2010-02-09 08:48:57) that was soooo fuckin awesome!!!! thanks for the morning laugh!
The punisher (2010-02-09 08:48:48) Oh man This is the funniest Email by far.
TL (2010-02-09 08:46:12) Always how I like to start the morning.
SerialPosters (2010-02-09 08:43:28) this is gold, one of the best. Easily.
you complete me (2010-02-09 08:18:35) "You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase"
Brooklyn Brawler (2010-02-09 08:04:26) Haha!!! "Looks like a normal spoon, right?" One of my favourite lines!
first (2010-02-09 07:59:14) to say first
lol (2010-02-09 07:55:25) I laughed my eye makeup off crying from laughing!!! Great way to start my day!!! You are hilarious!!!
AJ (2010-02-09 07:35:26) Sheer excellence, I would definitely feel covert disguised with some soda
zsasz (2010-02-09 07:27:47) easily one of my new favourites. utter genius.
Richard L (2010-02-09 07:21:24) That was really clever. You kill me, even if you are a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit.
Crazy Doug (2010-02-09 07:17:03) OMG...that's really funny
CeilingCat (2010-02-09 07:13:51) HEY! LULZ! I LUVED IT!!! YOU HAZ CEILINGCAT APPROVAL!!! (via irc.iukkoth.net #iukkoth)
Jack Worthing (2010-02-09 06:53:47) Sorry buddy. That episode just sucked rhino ass.
Tisme (2010-02-09 06:41:23) Quality.
Big Daddy C-Master (2010-02-09 06:38:51) Good stuff. I want to buy.
MR O (2010-02-09 06:28:09) Awesome.
Wood Chipper Episode (2010-02-09 06:19:17) Fuck you!
Jack Worthing (2010-02-09 06:15:15) Hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing. Just gold. This is the stuff! Not like that awful episode with the wood chipper...
ihatepaloni (2010-02-09 06:15:11) lulz
Stevo (2010-02-09 06:14:20) Hahaha, Brilliant!
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